Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Gonna Make You Sweat.

Boy, was everyone excited when they saw kids doing the Melbourne Shuffle on the Australian version of So You Think You Can Dance - almost as excited as I get when Heath Ledger's character namechecks Bikini Kill in Ten Things I Hate About You. It's always a glorious day when our particular subculture gets its moment in the mainstream sun. I was a little disappointed, however, that the Shuffle was the only underground dance move to be highlighted, and as such have taken it upon myself to present just a few of the dance styles that SYTYCD forgot.

1) Two-Stepping, Hardcore Style

Now really, what the Australian version of SYTYCD sorely lacked was a bit of blood. And what better way to provide gallons of the red stuff than by letting a couple of hundred testosterone-amped twenty-two year-old musclemen loose to a Betrayed record. In no way should this be limited to two-stepping: kickboxing, pizza-twirling, stagedives and just plain smacking other people in the face are encouraged, if not mandatory. No doubt their mums will be there to mop up afterwards.

2) Skanking

Don't let the dorky exteriors of ska kids deter you - skanking will never really go out of fashion. Extra-special consideration will be given to those who can perfectly co-ordinate their guitar jumps. Matching outfits composed entirely out of checkered material will go down a treat with this crowd, as will driving their vespas on stage.

3) The Melbourne Head-Nod

When I was a younger lad I used to tear it up, and would always find time to mock those standing at the back with their arms folded, nodding their heads. Nowadays I'm stuck firmly in their number. It's difficult, however, to find a clip of a guy standing around nodding his head to melodic hardcore bands, and this is the best I could do. Substitute "move my desk" for "crash into me" and "paycheck" for "rare vinyl that I ordered" and it's pretty much spot on.

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