Friday, August 24, 2012


Ok, when I first heard about this movie, I figured it would be pretty fucking naff. And, still not having seen it, I'm almost absolutely certain that I'm going to be right. But I didn't care. I was still convinced that it'd eventually come out in the cinemas, and I'd organize a huge FOA group excursion to go watch it. And we'd heckle the screen and go "OH AS IF!" and generally be annoying to the general public. Which would be a totally good time. But as time went on it seemed like it wasn't going to get that elusive Australian release. So instead I'm going to watch a downloaded copy tonight. Screw you and yours, Joseph Gorden-Levitt. Apparently it only got 6.7 out of 10 on IMDB, and I'm a firm believer in the xkcd system of movie ratings, but I'm pretty excited regardless.

Nearly as exciting is the next round of the Dirty Deeds Urban Cyclocross Series this Sunday. I'll be down there talking all sorts of crap on the microphone, but I'm going to have to be somewhat restrained, due to a multitude of noise complaints from the locals. This is probably good news for all of you, and definitely good news for me, because it means that I won't have to drink as much vinegar this time around, you know, in order to save my voice. Thank Christ for that, because after the last one I smelt like a fucking fish and chip shop. Apparently, as well as my "expert" "commentary" there will also be some racing. That'll be ok, I guess.

I suppose I should touch on today's big controversy involving Lance Armstrong, but to be honest with everyone, I just don't give a fuck. What folks seem to forget is that The Tour has always been about cheating. Dudes used to get caught taking the train, for fuck's sake! In fact, that's a kind of cheating I could really get behind. If it was less like procycling and more like Wacky Races, I would totally chip in some sponsor money myself.

But I was talking to KO today about how little of a fuck I give, and she disagreed. "It's awesome that they keep catching dudes," she told me, "because it means that the guy coming 30th is going to try that little bit harder to come 29th, just in case the 28 dudes in front of him get stripped of their titles thirty years down the track." I couldn't really argue with that. Of course, I countered that with so many dudes losing their palmares there was certain to be a chance that the ASO would award a podium spot for me soon. You know, because I'm straightedge.

Oh, and there's DISCO Track this Saturday night. That's kinda cool. Although as a punk, I'm inherently opposed to anything with the descriptor Disco, I'm absolutely certain that it won't be as shit as anything by Abba. Who, incidentally, are one of the worst bands ever. In fact, they're probably in my top five all-time all-genre worst famous bands. Like, it probably goes - in no particular order - The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Abba, The Doors and Radiohead. Oh, fuck man, I hate Radiohead so much. I can't believe I forgot them until last.

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